Some Final Thoughts on Tuesday's Primary

Help Wanted – Local leadership positions available. Pay negligible to extravagant, depending on position. Certain expense reimbursements may be paid. Applicants must undergo rigorous interview process including, but not limited to, the following:

•  One to several public interview sessions during which each applicant will be pitted against all competitors for said position and forced to explain, defend and elaborate on all guiding philosophies on all issues, whether pertinent to said position or not;

•  Mandatory print, broadcast, Internet and possible telephone defense against slurs on, among other things, personal and professional character, aforementioned philosophies, career success or failure, parking tickets, loud music complaints, any college or high school misbehavior and controversies surrounding family, friends and neighbors;

• Successful applicants will be required to endure intense public and personal scrutiny and criticism (including in the media) of every decision, utterance or philosophy made, said or held during, before and after said term of employment;

• Successful applicant will be required to repeat application process every two, four or six years, depending on said position.

Please submit application endorsed by 10 to 1,000 of your closest friends, neighbors, family, co-workers and anyone else you can cajole or coerce into signing. Please note: You will be required to encourage all of the signers plus hundreds to thousands more to support you during a preliminary selection and final selection days to be set in the spring and fall.

Caveat: Interviewers reserve the right to reject best overall; best qualified; and most intelligent, sensible or courageous applicants in lieu of applicant who promises interviewers everything, regardless of ability to fulfill said commitment.

Lines form to the right. Or left, depending on applicant’s personal political philosophy. Lines in the middle will not be accepted by the majority of interviewers.

Please, no pushing.